Official band merch SUCKS
Ok, so I know we are biased here in the Bathroom, but being biased doesnt stop something being true. Band mercandise is shit - FACT. OK, let us qualify that a bit. All MAJOR LABEL official band merch sucks. We all go to gigs and we see them selling official gear for £25/$40 a shirt and it is always junk. Even cool bands are guilty. I went to see Aerosmith this summer and with the exception of their sins of the Ballads Years, they are undoubtedly a cool band, yet their T-shirts are disgusting and bore not relationship to anything to do with the ethos of the band. And even when there is the odd ray of light and a band is selling decent gear, you know it will be ruined by the dicks that buy said T-shirts and then put them on. I am struggling to think of anything less cool than wearing a gig T-shirt of the gig you are attending. Maybe parents dressing in the same clothes as their kids, but it is a close call.
But this doesn't stop at music..... take cars. The other day I saw a brand new and very shiney Subaru Impreza in full rally colours. Fine. Not my kind of thing, but I see the attraction. Then out of this blue beast steps a man wearing a matching Subaru 'Official Rally Team' sweatshirt. OK, maybe he didn't have anything else clean to wear. But then he gras his jacket - yep, you guessed it, an Subaru 'Official Rally Team' annorak. Enough? Nope, sun glasses went on. Yes again, blue Subaru 'Official Rally Team' sunglasses. Yet was this chump finished? Not yet, he still hadn't topped it off with his Subaru 'Official Rally Team' baseball cap. Do you see what I am getting at? If so, then you are welcome to stay and shop. If on the other hand you are thinking "that sounds like a look I want to go for" then please piss off.
Have I finished alienating potential customers? Nearly, but not quite. Next up are football kits. when are replica football kits acceptable:
1) On children
2) On attractive women (but only those special womens skinny fit ones mmmmm....)
3) Possibly retro kits, but only if worn at matches
4) Obscure foriegn clubs and national team kits worn in an indie kid ironic manner
5) errrr... nope, just those 4 times
NEVER EVER EVER AT ANY OTHER TIMES. You may love Stoke City, but you look a cunt walking down the street in their kit emblazoned with the logo of some sub-prime mortgage lender. You also look a twat of imense proportions standing in a beer garden in an ill fitting England shirt. Sorry, but given that Trinny and Susannah are unlikely to pay you a visit, someone needs to tell you. So stop it. There are no ifs or but. Even if you are playing a game of semi-serious football, it is not and has never been OK to wear your club colours. You are not Ryan Giggs so you shouldn't be wearing his shirt. On holiday it is even worse, especially amongst the English. "just showin' national pride. Let 'em know where I am from" You fucking idiot, they know where you are from due to the other subtle clues you have given them. Such as you sitting at the Bull and Bush Real English Pub eating an all-day breakfast and washing it down with a pint of Carling whilst reading the international edition of the Daily Mail. Add to that you shaven head, bulldog tattoo, gold chains, soverign ring, bright-red sunburnt face and unruly beer gut and I think you will find that the last thing you need is any more indicators to your national identity.
Anyway, rant over. Be back later with more musings about the world
But this doesn't stop at music..... take cars. The other day I saw a brand new and very shiney Subaru Impreza in full rally colours. Fine. Not my kind of thing, but I see the attraction. Then out of this blue beast steps a man wearing a matching Subaru 'Official Rally Team' sweatshirt. OK, maybe he didn't have anything else clean to wear. But then he gras his jacket - yep, you guessed it, an Subaru 'Official Rally Team' annorak. Enough? Nope, sun glasses went on. Yes again, blue Subaru 'Official Rally Team' sunglasses. Yet was this chump finished? Not yet, he still hadn't topped it off with his Subaru 'Official Rally Team' baseball cap. Do you see what I am getting at? If so, then you are welcome to stay and shop. If on the other hand you are thinking "that sounds like a look I want to go for" then please piss off.
Have I finished alienating potential customers? Nearly, but not quite. Next up are football kits. when are replica football kits acceptable:
1) On children
2) On attractive women (but only those special womens skinny fit ones mmmmm....)
3) Possibly retro kits, but only if worn at matches
4) Obscure foriegn clubs and national team kits worn in an indie kid ironic manner
5) errrr... nope, just those 4 times
NEVER EVER EVER AT ANY OTHER TIMES. You may love Stoke City, but you look a cunt walking down the street in their kit emblazoned with the logo of some sub-prime mortgage lender. You also look a twat of imense proportions standing in a beer garden in an ill fitting England shirt. Sorry, but given that Trinny and Susannah are unlikely to pay you a visit, someone needs to tell you. So stop it. There are no ifs or but. Even if you are playing a game of semi-serious football, it is not and has never been OK to wear your club colours. You are not Ryan Giggs so you shouldn't be wearing his shirt. On holiday it is even worse, especially amongst the English. "just showin' national pride. Let 'em know where I am from" You fucking idiot, they know where you are from due to the other subtle clues you have given them. Such as you sitting at the Bull and Bush Real English Pub eating an all-day breakfast and washing it down with a pint of Carling whilst reading the international edition of the Daily Mail. Add to that you shaven head, bulldog tattoo, gold chains, soverign ring, bright-red sunburnt face and unruly beer gut and I think you will find that the last thing you need is any more indicators to your national identity.
Anyway, rant over. Be back later with more musings about the world
posted by Sleazy Rock n' Roll at
11:33
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